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This article covers the content of the lecture and consultation session titled "When Children Hesitate to Go to School or Daycare: Parents' Mindset and Responses," held in 2019.
This is an excerpt that has been edited.
* Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. My 5-year-old refuses to take naps at daycare and has stopped going.
Last summer, I transferred from a small daycare to a larger daycare that is attached to a kindergarten.
From ages 0 to 4, I managed to attend despite some reluctance, but as soon as I changed schools, I started to dislike it.
I thought it was just because they weren't used to it, so I forced them to go, but they reacted in a way I had never seen before, crying and resisting.
Since it has been so difficult, we have decided not to send them to school, and they have not been attending for the past few months.
Reasons for not wanting to go include: it's not fun at all, I don't want to take a nap, I want to go home early,
They are saying things like, 'Why can't I go home when the other kids are leaving?'
At first, I tried to ease them into it by having them come home before their nap, but when I decided to leave them a little longer and include their nap time, it changed.
They were reluctant. I tried to make them go without a nap, but by that point, they didn't want to go at all.
A.
One of the main reasons children refuse to go to daycare is because they don't want to take a nap.
If you don't go to bed by around 9 PM, growth hormones won't be released,so parents try to get their children to sleep early.
While we are working hard, one of the biggest factors disrupting children's sleep patterns is actually
It's called naptime at the daycare.
Children who no longer need to sleep are made to sleep for about two hours.
That's why sleep rhythms get disrupted. As a result, many children don't want to go.
If you properly acknowledge and respond when a child first says they don't want to, the child will be able to continue on.
Or you can take a short break and then continue.
ButIf you repeatedly say you don't want to do something, it can strengthen your mental resistance, making it difficult to return to your original state.
When you behave well, you are accepted with praise, but when you assert your dislike with all your being, it is not received.
It creates a deep fear and leads to distrust towards parents.
When adults truly acknowledge that a child is expressing their discomfort, it brings them a sense of security.
"I see you don't like napping. You're big enough now, so you don't need a nap anymore."
This allows some children to relax and even take a nap.
SoFirst, listen to the child's perspective..
That said, there are things we can do and things we cannot do.
We will work together to find solutions for what can be done.
Dad and Mom said, "We really can't come to pick you up today. So, we need your cooperation just for this day."
This means that they feel good about helping their parents.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'