[Parenting Mystery Q&A] We can't seem to align our views on parenting as a couple.

*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.

*Available in English and Chinese versions

Q. We can't seem to agree on parenting as a couple.

Children may resist wearing shoes or helmets while biking, but there are dangers involved. It's important to consider how much of this behavior is just a phase and to monitor them accordingly.

I discuss it with my husband, but we struggle to align our opinions.

A.

It's common for parents to have different views on discipline,From a child's perspective, it's not necessary for mom and dad to agree.

Children are not viewed as a unit of their parents.

"In situations like this, what would Dad do? What would Mom do? What about Grandma? What would the kindergarten teacher do?"

I will make sound judgments based on my relationship with the other person.

Moreover, I believe it's perfectly fine to have differences, as it shows that one has the ability to think for themselves.

Family means recognizing each other's differences and living together.

If we all agreed, it would be boring. It's okay to have differences.

The reason for the differences lies in the distinct histories each has grown up with, making it difficult to find common ground.

Children are observant. At grandma's house, this is allowed, but it's not okay when mom is around.

So, in the endChildren base their decisions on their mother's judgment.

I might think it's annoying or harsh, but the standard is my mother.

Therefore,It's enough for a mother to confidently make her own decisions.I think so.

Moreover, the more diverse individuals there are, the more adaptable the child will become.

So that's an important experience as well.

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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)

Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'