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*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. Very afraid of TV and movies (7 years old)
Even in children's TV shows and movies like Anpanman, they quickly become scared and cover their eyes and ears, fleeing to the corner of the room.
In everyday life, it's not a problem to be overly scared, but it's concerning that an elementary school student is afraid of things meant for toddlers.
I can't help but worry if everything is okay.
A.
Understanding feelings like "fear" or "embarrassment" indicates that a sense of self has developed.
You can feel and judge for yourself. It's scary when you exceed your own capacity for acceptance.
So, it's a very important milestone in growth.
Being afraid is actually very important for protecting the heart.
Many elementary school students feel scared about entering the classroom or are afraid of their teachers.
It's common for children who are hesitant to go to school or who are not attending to feel scared when a teacher is angry with other students. They may also feel too frightened to enter the classroom.
Fear is a safety mechanism that protects your heart.
To protect your heart, it is important to not take unnecessary risks.
When your child says they are "scared," make sure to ask them what is scary and what specifically makes them feel that way.
And then, you can acknowledge, "So that's what you're afraid of."
When you express what you find frightening in words, the fear begins to dissipate.
Therefore, discussing it can alleviate or objectify the issue to some extent.
Adults often say, "It's not scary, it's not scary," but...
"I understand that you are scared. Your mother is an adult, so she isn't scary."
I think it would be nice to say, "Don't worry, Mom is here. If you get scared, come to me."
When you tell your child that their mother is someone who protects them, it brings them great comfort.
It's important to embrace fear and accept embarrassment.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'