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This article is an excerpt from the lecture and consultation session titled "When Children Hesitate to Go to School or Daycare: Parents' Mindset and Responses" held in 2019.
This is the edited version.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. I am struggling with my studies due to not attending school, and I am worried about advancing to the next grade (8th grade).
My daughter, who is in the second year of middle school, is refusing to go to school. When I ask her why she doesn't want to go, she says things like, "I haven't done my summer homework" or "I hate running in gym class."
As a parent, it seemed like I was just avoiding the challenges, so I would scold them.
As a parent, I worry about whether it's okay to advance in school without going to class and not understanding the material.
When I'm at home, I might ask, "Could you wash the dishes while I'm at work?"
You’re doing a great job. It’s helpful, but sometimes I can’t help but remind you, 'If you don’t go, you won’t be able to advance your studies.'
I'm unsure if it's okay to let them do whatever they want.
A.
This does not mean that children are allowed to do whatever they want in such situations.
Children often say, "I'm giving it my all, and this is the best I can do right now." They want us to understand that they can't give any more than this.
Even in situations where you stay at home and don't change vertical things to horizontal, you are still giving it your all, 100%.
I'm just doing my best to survive in a situation where I'm being blamed by those around me.
Children feel distressed when they are denied and not acknowledged.
So when my mom asked me to "please wash the dishes" and I was waiting after washing the dishes
Hearing someone say, 'Thank you, you really helped me,' makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine.
On the contrary, if someone were to ask me, "What are you doing?" I would feel like I'm falling into hell.
I really live on the edge.
So even if you make a mistake, you won't be thrown into that world.
To push someone into that world means that a child is taking their own life.
Children who refuse to go to school or are absent from school have no intention of attending, so they do not do their summer homework.
Additionally, children who are hurt at school dislike seeing or touching anything that reminds them of school, such as textbooks and pencils used in the classroom.
That's why you can't hold pencils or textbooks. It happens often.
So, not doing homework is a symbolic expression of that.
It's often the case that children take their own lives because they haven't completed their homework after summer break.
I understand you're worried about advancing your education, but there are various types of high schools available, including correspondence, credit-based, and part-time programs.
Additionally, since private high school subsidies have been introduced, the enrollment rate in public schools has significantly decreased.
In the case of Tokyo, it seems that there is a 25% decrease, leading students to private schools.
There are many schools, but the number of students is decreasing. So, if you don't choose, there will still be high schools available.
SoIt is about conveying such information to children..Whether or not to go depends on the individual's physical and mental state of exhaustion.
If you want to go to college, you can take the high school equivalency exam to gain admission.
Due to declining birth rates, universities are struggling to attract students, so many people are entering college after obtaining their high school equivalency certification.
Starting from high school, education is no longer compulsory but rather a choice, so children should select based on their own circumstances.
Children who push themselves to attend junior high school for high school entrance exams often collapse just before reaching their goal.
Therefore, if you want to take the high school entrance exam, it's better to stop trying to force them into school.
It's like driving a car and deciding how far you can go with the little gas you have left. It's better not to waste fuel.
It's perfectly fine to start from the closest point to the goal you want to reach.
Studying in elementary, middle, and high school can be boring, but college is like a department store of learning.
Many children who refuse to go to school or are absent often find what they want to pursue in college.
Whether you want to study robotics, astrophysics, or deep-sea exploration,
University education is what responds to the aspirations of those students.
For university entrance exams, there is also the AO admission process, which is based on what you want to do at the university, regardless of academic ability.
ThenIn Japan's compulsory education system, a lack of attendance days does not prevent students from advancing to the next grade or graduating.
You can advance to the next grade and graduate with zero attendance, whether in private or public schools.
They say that missing school affects your attendance record, but in reality, it doesn't matter that much.
When it comes to high school enrollment, we often talk about attendance days when we want students to attend a full-time school.
Ultimately, the reality is that as long as you pass, you're welcome to join.
Finally, here's a quick tip:As children grow
"Those days when we didn't go to school were really fun; they are my best memories."
I hope you can live a life where you can say that.
One person used it to get an annual pass for Disneyland.
As a result, that person wanted to study stage costumes, so they went to study abroad in the UK and returned to Japan afterward.
I said, 'I want to design stage costumes for this person,' and I brought my diploma, which led to my hiring.
Children who refuse to go to school or are truant often exhibit a strong resistance to anything they find unacceptable.
If you want to do this, you will bite into a stone to make it happen; this shows a strong commitment.
If you try to adjust it to fit society, according to what parents or schools expect,
The child's personality becomes fractured, leading to emotional instability.
Based on my 46 years of experience, I would advise against that.
Consider your downtime as a time to enrich your life and nourish your mind more fully.
We guarantee the best outcome.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'