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*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline for Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2019.
* Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. Wants to wear the same clothes every day (5 years old)
My 5-year-old daughter wants to wear the same clothes every day.
A year ago, I loved Pretty Cure and always wanted to wear a dress on weekends. Now, even though it's cold, I'm wearing short sleeves and a fluttery skirt.
He absolutely refuses to wear pants. As a parent, it can be embarrassing, and there are times when I get so frustrated that I raise my voice.
When I start elementary school, everyone will be wearing the same gym uniform, so I'm worried about whether it will be resolved by the time I get there.
A.
Clothing is like armor.So I want armor that suits me.
Some children wear armor in colors like blue and red, while others see their character as their own avatar.
Some kids dress in summer clothes even in winter, while others wear winter outfits during the summer.
ButThe child feels happy and secure by wearing it.That's the situation.
So it's a good idea to have two or three of your favorite items ready.
When you say, 'You like wearing this, it makes you feel secure,'
Once you feel understood, you may become less particular about things.
When someone tries to pull you away, it creates anxiety, and if that is taken away, the anxiety increases, making you want to cling even more.
It's just like 'The North Wind and the Sun.'
For children with strong self-assertion, they may initially focus on themselves, but as they grow and enter elementary school,
You start to increasingly conform to those around you.
You will start to incorporate what everyone is doing because you want to be together with everyone.
So, there's no need to worry about the basics,When you are being bullied, feeling anxious and scared because the teacher is strict,
I have to wear my armor properly, so I definitely want to put on my armor.
Because of that,When a child insists on something, it may indicate that they are feeling anxious outside of our home.
If wearing that outfit makes you feel secure, then it's better to wear multiple layers of armor.
There are often children who are particular about their clothing when they don't want to go to kindergarten, daycare, or school.
It's scary because there are those in the group who persecute me and can cause me harm.
So please respect the fact that I want to be well-prepared for that.
I wonder if something is bothering you, or maybe you've been trying really hard in that area lately, but that's just a facade, isn't it?
You need to protect yourself when you wear that, but is there something going on? Please listen to what they have to say.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'