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*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. How to deal with a cunning child? (3 years and 10 months)
I'm having trouble dealing with them because they've become clever and are saying cunning things.
I have been taught since childhood that I can't have dessert unless I finish all my rice,
I usually try to eat my meals well because I want to enjoy dessert later,
Once you say "I'm full" and let it slide, they'll always try to use that tactic.
I'm unsure how far I should go in allowing this.
A.
Growth is about gaining wisdom, so it's important to acquire wisdom.
From an adult's perspective, that becomes cunning.
Children who are clever in mischievous ways also possess good wisdom for the world.
When you're struggling to respond, just say, 'I'm just being a little clever right now, I see through you.'
For example, I secretly took a snack out of the refrigerator and ate it.
When I ask, 'Who ate the chocolate cake?' they say, 'I don't know.'
"You've got something on your cheek," they'll find out.
It's also a clever trick of ours to skillfully convey to children that we can see right through them.
Parenting is a test of wisdom and resilience.
In the end, the children always win.
The reason is that children can focus entirely on that, dedicating their whole lives to it.
Mom is multitasking.
This is a characteristic of children, where even wise mothers can be outsmarted by their clever tricks.
Show a bit of surprise and delight when clever tricks are at play.
I think it's good to let them know that there is a mother who has a clear understanding of the situation.
In Western countries, the presence of religion serves as a moral check, as people believe that 'God is watching.'
In Japan, we don't have that, but there's the saying, 'God is watching you' and 'Mother is watching you closely.'
Please make sure to communicate that clearly.
However, if you get angry at that moment, the child will start to hide their actions.
Subtly convey, "I see you, and I'm letting this slide this time, but there won't be a next time."
I think it's good to convey that you are paying attention while also allowing for forgiveness.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'