[Parenting Mystery Solving Q&A] How to Communicate Public Manners and Rules Without Scaring Them? (Age 4)

*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.

*Available in English and Chinese versions

 

Q. How can I communicate public manners and rules without scaring them? (4 years old)

 

I tell them to wait inside the yellow lines at the crosswalk, but since they love vehicles, they always stand right at the edge of the yellow line. When I suggest that they should step back a little because of the heavy traffic, they respond, "I'm standing where you told me to, so why is it not okay now? I want to stay here."

Is there a way to communicate public manners and rules in areas with heavy traffic or potential dangers, while respecting the individual's wishes and without causing alarm?

 

 

A.

This is typical intelligence for a 4-year-old. They follow instructions precisely.

However, the sense of flexibility and consideration for others that comes with adulthood has not yet developed.

 

First, please compliment them by saying, "You're doing great standing right at the edge of the yellow line."

 

"But there's a lot of traffic, so I'm scared, Mom. That's why I want to go back with you."

Mom is scared, so she steps back a little. That's why you should protect Mom and step back together.

 

While acknowledging that you are following the rules, please communicate your mother's assessment of the situation.

 

"See, the people around us are stepping back more than usual," explain the situation to the child to help them understand.

 

This can't be done in just one go.

After repeating it several times, it becomes something you understand as "that's just how it is."

 

Children who are developing their sense of self can make comprehensive judgments by repeatedly seeing the same things and experiencing different situations..

 

I believe it's very important to firmly uphold what your mother says and to acknowledge that by saying, 'You are really a good child.'

 

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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)

 

Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'