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*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. My child is very particular, and the therapist recommends a well-structured preschool program.
Recommended, but I want to send my child to a free play kindergarten (3 years old)
I can be very particular and may cry and scream for one or two hours until I can do what I want.
I am currently attending therapy, and regarding choosing a kindergarten, my therapist has said
I was told, "Since this is a preparation period for elementary school, it's better to go to a place with a well-structured curriculum."
As a parent, I would like to send my child to the free-spirited preschool that my siblings attended, but which option is better?
A.
I think that child is more about being "assertive" rather than just having strong preferences.
From an adult's perspective, it may seem overly particular, but when considering it from a child's point of view,
That child is "assertive and strong-willed," so the question becomes how to interact with that child.
Experts tend to label children with strong preferences as having developmental disorders.
What's important is to take what experts say with a grain of salt, and to firmly rely on your own judgment as a parent.
The focus is on parental judgment, and only useful or relevant insights from experts are considered..
If something feels off or doesn't seem right, we reject it. This is the role of a parent.
Parents are the guardians of their children. Experts do not take on the role of a child's guardian.
Experts may say that the future will be challenging, but they won't take responsibility for our children's future.
So, that's where parents need to properly discern and listen.
And you need to trust the child in front of you.
Children who are trusted by their parents gain confidence.From their fathers and mothers
"This child is growing in their own way, understanding in their own way, and doing things in their own way,so this child will be just fine."
When you feel that way, your confidence will solidify, so I think it's good to be aware of that as well.
Regarding kindergarten, for children who have a strong sense of individuality and assertiveness, a free play approach is best.
By adopting free play, children can freely engage in what they want to do and explore their interests.
You start to understand what you shouldn't do and where your limits are.
In programs that are structured similarly to schools, the resistance to change can develop significantly.
Adults also want to break free when they feel constrained. If there are no constraints, there's no need to break free, so they remain in that state.
I believe that children with strong personalities should not be placed in restrictive environments.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'