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This article is an excerpt and edit of the content from the "When You Feel Anxious About School or Nursery Life: Parental Mindset and Response" lecture and consultation held in 2018.
Available in English and Chinese versions
Children carry tension and anxiety as they continue to attend.
Every child knows that it's normal to go to school without taking a break.
However, there are various circumstances when that becomes impossible.
There has been bullying from friends, and the teacher's guidance is intimidating.
This is especially strong in kindergartens and daycare centers.
At home, you are cared for in a one-on-one manner, where someone pays close attention to what you say and do, helping you understand how to live. Then, suddenly, you are thrown into a large group. Without the presence of guardians, it can be very intimidating when a teacher, who holds authority, is strict.
Of course, part of it is my own fear of being treated harshly, but what really terrifies me is seeing other kids being scolded severely or punished and locked in a dark room.
Many children become too scared to go after seeing other kids go through terrible experiences.
When I was running a psychological counseling room at a local hospital, many children would start experiencing self-poisoning in the fall. Upon asking, I found out that it was due to the intense practice sessions for the sports festival season.
Because I often yell at the children through the microphone or threaten them, we receive calls from the neighbors complaining about the noise and asking us to stop. As a result, the children are experiencing severe stress, which is very different from their usual teachers, leading to issues like self-poisoning, asthma, and worsening allergic dermatitis.
Around the time before and after Golden Week, many students tend to come down with health issues after their homeroom teacher changes.
Along with "I have a headache and a stomachache," there are also feelings of "nausea, dizziness, and queasiness." This is referred to as orthostatic dysregulation, and it makes going to school painful and frightening, leaving me unable to feel motivated to get up in the morning. Even when I do wake up, my mind and body aren't in a prepared state, so my blood pressure doesn't rise. As a result, when I stand up, I can't adjust, and my blood pressure drops suddenly.
I'm scared to go to school and kindergarten. I go, but I can't move freely.
Because the teacher is scary, I end up being unable to act out of consideration for not getting scolded by them, so to speak.
These children come to the hospital during different seasons, such as after Golden Week, after summer vacation, during sports festivals and cultural festivals, and also during Christmas and the year-end period.
When it becomes difficult to go, sleep becomes unstable.
For children, getting up in the morning to go to kindergarten, daycare, or school can be tough, and it often starts with difficulty falling asleep at night.
After that, the night crying starts after going to bed. Due to the sleep rhythm, it begins about an hour and a half after falling asleep, and it doesn't stop easily even when I try to soothe them.
Then, I can't sleep because I have scary dreams. The kind of dreams I have are like this: kanji characters roll off the blackboard, growing larger like snowmen, and they crush me. Then, the numbers written on the blackboard turn into fish that keep growing and end up eating me. That's the kind of nightmare I experience.
And then there's night terrors. You wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, feeling extremely scared.
Then, it's common for some children to start experiencing bedwetting.
So, it often starts with sleep issues.
However, parents may not realize that something might have happened at school or daycare.
When trying to get children to go to bed earlier because they have late sleeping habits, the struggle can lead to them feeling unsupported and unstable.
The strike is starting
I have trouble falling asleep at night, so I can't get up in the morning. It's not so much that I don't want to get up because it's hard to go, but rather that I can't get up because I go to bed late.
Even when finally woken up, they won't get out of bed. They won't change their clothes. Once they wash their face or go to the bathroom, it leads to going to kindergarten or daycare, and that's when the child starts to protest.
Not changing clothes, not washing your face, not going to the bathroom, or staying locked in the bathroom and not coming out.
Then think of the meals as a hunger strike. The meals are not eaten much and are slow.
Sometimes, I eat rice grain by grain. It never seems to end, does it?
But when I said, 'Let's go after we finish eating, we don't need to eat anymore,' they responded with, 'I want to eat!'
Then, they nitpick what is served. When rice is offered, they prefer bread. When we serve the bread we have at home, they say they want sweet bread. Because of this, they go on a hunger strike.
As a result, the morning routine of getting up and going to kindergarten becomes increasingly difficult. There is constant resistance. It feels as if all the habits that the mother has instilled are gradually falling apart. Therefore, the mother feels the need to re-establish discipline, and she becomes very strict. This, in turn, makes the child feel even more misunderstood, leading to emotional distress, crying, whining, and rebellious behavior.
Habits like thumb sucking and nail biting may emerge.
As a result, they may engage in behaviors like thumb-sucking or nail-biting due to anxiety.
When things become overwhelming and it feels like you can't take any more, you might start to feel a tick.
Many children tend to stop going after they experience a tick.
We do things like this, but we also attend kindergarten and nursery school.
There are quite a few cases where they go while crying and being fussy, even if you take them there.
Parents never imagine that this is the beginning of school refusal and absenteeism.
As a result of the child becoming disobedient and rebellious, the discipline becomes even stricter, leading to a rift between the mother and child.
If such behavior appears in a child's life, this is where you should pay attention.
At this stage, it might be wise to reconsider coaxing them into going to school, kindergarten, or daycare.
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>> ③ Beginning to experience physical and mental health issues
Counselor:
Ryouko Uchida
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'