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*This article is an excerpt and edited version of the "Parenting and Discipline with Young Children" seminar and consultation held in 2018.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. I want them to go to bed early, but they just won't sleep (3 years old)
I always struggle with wanting to put them to bed early because I have to wake them up early to go to daycare.
My baby just won't sleep. What should I do?
A.
You might think it's wise to put them to bed early at night so that they don't have trouble getting up late in the morning.
Children have their own wisdom, and they rise to the occasion when it matters.
So, trying hard to put them to bed early doesn't have much effect.
Many people are focused on getting enough sleep,
I think it's best to stick to the principle of sleeping when you feel sleepy.
Many people try hard to go to bed around 10 PM because that's when growth hormone is released, but when I asked a brain expert...
It seems that it will come out about two hours after you fall asleep at night.
So, 10 PM is just an average, and it doesn't have to be that specific time.
About two hours after falling asleep, growth hormones are released, so you don't have to try so hard.
Some people sleep deeply while others sleep lightly, and those who sleep deeply can feel refreshed even after a short amount of time.
Shallow sleepers have trouble falling asleep, tend to wake up late, and frequently stir during the night.
This will result in longer sleep duration.
During the day, children play actively, are mindful in kindergarten or daycare, and then use their intellect as well.
I get tired both physically and mentally from various things, so I can generally sleep well.
However, for children who stay at home instead of going to kindergarten or daycare, by the time they reach 2 or 3 years old, they have developed physical strength and energy.
Sometimes, you may have so much energy that it becomes difficult to fall asleep.
When children start attending kindergarten or daycare and engage in group activities, they naturally become sleepy.
For those who sleep deeply, it's okay not to take too much time.
Some people can just fall asleep when they feel drowsy and sleep until morning, so there's no need to be too strict about time.
One characteristic of people who sleep deeply is bedwetting.
Even though I want to go to the bathroom, I don't wake up and end up peeing in my dreams.
Children like that graduate from bedwetting when they can hold their urine in their bladder all night long.
As you progress, bedwetting will stop.
It's often said that bedwetting can occur until early elementary school, but children who experience this tend to sleep very deeply.
With that said, there are different types of sleep and each child has their own personality, so please don't worry too much about the time.
Anyway, as long as you can get up and play or eat energetically, that's fine.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, I have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo. Since 1998, I have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room," where I hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal. I have also served as a part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and as an advisor for NHK Radio's telephone consultation program, "Children's Heart Consultation." I have given numerous lectures at parenting circles across the country, as well as at meetings for parents considering school refusal and at kindergartens. My published works include 'Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries,' 'Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts,' and 'Reluctance to Attend School.'