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This article is an excerpt from the lecture and consultation session titled "When Children Hesitate to Go to School or Daycare: Parents' Mindset and Responses" held in 2019.
This is the edited version.
*Available in English and Chinese versions
Q. I have a mean friend. What can my parents do to help? (4 years old)
They say they don't want to go to kindergarten because they have been treated or spoken to unpleasantly by their friends.
It seems that they are still too young to handle friends who are being mean to them.
As a parent, I want to help in some way. Is there anything I can do?
A.
Currently, there is about one teacher for every twenty students in elementary schools.
However, it is quite a demanding job for a single teacher to take care of about 20 students for around 8 hours a day.
It's difficult to fully grasp each child individually. That's why this group can be tough for the children.
Still, children try their best to adapt, using more than 100% of their energy, which can be extremely exhausting.
When you get tired, what happens is that you take out your frustration on others. That's what bullying is.
Bullying among friends in kindergartens and daycare centers is something I have never encountered in my 46 years of consulting in the field.
However, as more people started attending daycare, the facilities became overcrowded, and from that time on
There are comments like, "My friends are bullying me, so I don't want to go." The issue lies in how the group is formed.
So, how can we protect our children?When you say you don't want to go because you're tired
"It's exhausting, isn't it? You've worked hard all week, so how about we take a break?"It will become much easier.
Children who experience the relief that comes from taking a break are truly fortunate.
In Japan, many people suffer from depression due to overwork and have never taken a day off from their school life, not knowing what it means to rest.
Kindergarten, nursery school, elementary school, and middle school are times when children can practice taking a break with confidence.
Taking a break and doing something you enjoy refreshes you.
If you take a day or two off to fully enjoy your favorite activities, you might get tired of our games.
So, after taking a break of 1 to 3 days, they say they want to go to kindergarten or daycare on their own.
With that in mind, please take a good break.
Many times, I don't want to go because my friends are being mean.
When parents ask the teacher to speak to their child, it provides a sense of reassurance for the child.
Also, when picking up or dropping off your child, it's good to say to the child who is being mean, 'Please don't bully my child.'
It's more effective when it comes from the other person's mother than from the teacher..
It tells both the teacher and the child who is bullying properly.
Having a mother who is skilled at problem-solving is the best form of security for a child.
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Advisor: Yoshiko Uchida (Child Psychology Counselor)
Since 1973, we have been providing consultation services at several public health centers in Tokyo, and since 1998, we have been running the "Children's Consultation Room: Momo's Room."
We hold group counseling sessions for issues such as school refusal, delinquency, and social withdrawal.
Part-time lecturer at Rikkyo University and former advisor for NHK Radio's phone consultation program "Children's Mental Health Counseling." Involved with parenting circles across the country,
A parents' group considering school refusal, with many lectures at kindergartens and other venues.
Books: "Counselor Ryoko's Parenting Mysteries", "Q&A on Young Children's Lives and Hearts", "Reluctance to Attend Nursery and School"